Part 3

I'm rolling with these today, huh? Actually I'm headed out of town tomorrow and wanted to get caught up on the "history" part of our story.

After the miscarriage of our babies, I was in a dark place. I was sad, angry, and confused. I didn't know what God wanted us to do. I wanted to make sure we were following what He would have us do and not what we wanted to do based on our own emotions. I remember being at church one Sunday and singing this song. The part that resounded most to me "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Blessed be Your Name."

We prayed and earnestly sought out what God would have us do. We then thought of those two frozen embryos we had in the "clinic." Both of us knew that we had to give them a shot. To us, these were "babies" and we needed to give it a try. We met with the doctor who said we could do all of the monitoring here in our town; then we would just head back down for the transfer. We prayed long and hard that they would both make it through the thaw. I started medicine once again along with those nice proges.terone shots. I don't miss those :)

We drove down for the FET and learned that one embryo had survived the thaw---this same day we would transfer was also our 9th wedding anniversary. We felt a huge peace surround us and we know God was with us in a big way. Actually, during this cycle we felt that way the whole time. About two weeks passed by and we learned that the FET didn't work.

It was different this time. We felt different. We weren't sure at the time where we were headed next but I think it was closure from everything that had happened before. We decided to schedule a consult with our doctor and find out what he thought about the cycles, what we could do differently, and what the chances would be. I'll never forget that day. It was close to Christmas. The doctor basically said that I had responded great. If we were to do this again, he would change one of the medicines basically to allow the eggs to become more mature. He told us he thought we'd have a 50% chance of this working but that it was going to take perseverance. Meaning it may not happen the next time or the time after that. He also told us that based on everything else, he thought we would have more of a risk of having a child with a chromosomal issue, an abnormality if you will. This shocked us to say the least. This was the first time we had heard these words.

We left, stunned. At first, before the appointment, we thought we'd try IVF again. When we walked out our hearts were heavy. We both had prayed that God would reveal to us what we should do. We felt like that was our answer. Now granted, if we conceived naturally and had a child born with a problem we would deal with that. However, we felt like if we "pushed" the envelope with the IVF and that happened, we would feel terrible. We knew this was the end of our road with infertility treatments. Again, we both were ready to step off the roller coaster.

During the next few months we prayed and sought out what God would have us do. We also enjoyed our time together and really looked at all of the blessings we had been given. We also took a wonderful trip to the caribbean! After that trip in March, we felt God was moving us towards adoption. We knew this would also be a roller coaster but we feel like if we hang on and trust, in the end there will be a baby coming home to us.