Each time I think I'm going to do better with updating the blog, something else comes up :)
But I'm really trying to make a commitment to record my thoughts on here. I won't lie, it's been a tough month. From Tommy's "heart health" to making a decision about what to do as far as the next baby is concerned, it's been a little overwhelming. I still find myself in that rut of "fitting in" too. I remember having these feelings when we were going through infertility treatments. It seemed as though everyone around me was having children and I was just stuck on the sidelines. Now that I have a child, and don't get me wrong-I love him to pieces and he's filled that void that was there, but it still feels like I'm trying to find my place. I go to events and women talk about pregnancies and child birthing, something that I know nothing about as far as personal experience goes. I think often times they forget because Garrett looks so much like me. My story is different. I came to motherhood through a much different route than most others. I want Garrett to have some buddies to play with and friends to grow up with but it's so different now to find your niche if you will. I'm praying that God just continues to open doors in this area; that He'll lead us to friends who accept us with open arms into these circles. I've wanted to write this for some time but just could never get those words out. I really am fine but I guess I'm just longing for those deep rooted friendships that are often so hard to find.
Tommy finally had his cardioversion and it went well. He's back in normal rhythm again and we met with 2 doctors at Duke last week. The first was with a congenital cardiologist that specializes with adults. He was great. He explained what Tommy's heart looks like and told us that while he can't do anything to change his heart, he can continue his daily exercise and limit the salt intake to help out. That way the heart won't have to work as hard. He said the things he has going on now, leaking valve, enlarged heart in areas, isn't uncommon for people who were born with the same defect. Then we met with the heart transplant doctor. He was as equally great! He told us that he expected to walk in and see someone who looked sick and that wasn't at all the case. He said that there is a possibility that Tommy could live his life and die with his heart and he also said that he, at some point, would be a good candidate for a heart transplant. But he said, you're 37; let's save that talk for when you're 60. That was a relief. We know that most heart transplants only live for 10-12 years if there's no issues with rejections. I pray that they can maintain his health for a long, long time and then we can cross that path when we're in our 80s :) They both are going to keep an eye on him and they took some baseline tests so that way they'll know if things start to get worse. They also were both in favor of the new device for monitoring heart failure but both said to wait until the battery needs to be changed in his current device (probably next year). So that's where we are with all of that :)
We are still praying and trying to find God's way for the next baby. I feel like there's one more out there for us and like I said earlier, I would love for Garrett to have a sibling. I don't see us doing anything until next year some time. That way we can make sure Tommy is on the upswing and will give us more time to get the finances in order :) We've also learned about a local agency and may meet with them to find out how their services work. I'll be honest, while we loved working with Bethany for Garrett's adoption, when we started back up for the second one, they had no idea of who we were. That's a little disappointing especially when you've invested that much money into an organization. So I'm not sure what we'll do about that route yet either. But I do know God will show us His way :)
Garrett is continuing to be the sweetest boy ever. He's talking more and more each day and I love to listen to him. His newest concern is asking "are you ok" and he'll ask until you give him a response, even if he's talking to himself :) He loves the beach and talks about going all the time. Last week I had "spring" break and we went to Myrtle Beach for the weekend. We took him to a resort that had an indoor kiddie water area and lazy river and he loved it. Every morning he would wake up, look outside and see the beach and then ask to go swimming. He's definitely a water baby. What makes my heart gleam even more is he is definitely a mama's boy :)
Continue to pray for us that we would not grow weary and that we'll continue to seek what God has in store for us!